Final Fantasy V: Final Fantasy 5 Spoof

This is a comedy / parody hack of Final Fantasy 5. Version 1.10 improves upon the previous release in the following ways:

1.) More variety in humor and sentence structure: Several parts of the script were enhanced with foreshadowing, callbacks, clarity, or additional humor. Several sentences were also improved in subtle ways for increased impact.

2.) More consistent characterization: There were several places in the spoof v1.0 where the core four would break character in order to advance the plot a specific way or to make a particular joke. This time around, better solutions have been written that don’t require them to break character.

3.) Cool it with the “punching down”: If v1.00 was about applying the wisdom gained from age 15 to 25 to reduce the amount of crude humor in the spoof, v1.10 is about applying the wisdom gained from age 25 to 35 to reduce real world harm caused by the spoof. The writing isn’t flippant about serious issues this time, and it aims its offensive and politically incorrect humor at those *with* power, rather than those without.

4.) Additional feedback incorporated: Thank you to everyone who wrote reviews, lets plays, forum posts, and emails!

5.) Several quality of life enhancements: See the readme for details!

Make sure to patch this over an unmodified JAPANESE Final Fantasy 5 ROM!


- FF5Spoof v1.10 -Help support the
- By: Tzepish anti-ASCII art
tzepish at gmail dot com movement!

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A.) Basic Info

* ff5spoofv1.10.zip should contain the following:

- ff5spoofv1.10.txt:
The file you are reading right now, this very second.
If this file is missing from the archive, well...

- ff5spoofv1.10_header.ips:
- ff5spoofv1.10_no_header.ips:
The actual patch files. Use a tool like Lunar IPS to apply it to a JAPANESE
FF5 ROM that has *NOT BEEN PATCHED* with anything else. Not RPGe's
translation, not J121's GBA script port, not anything!

If you apply this patch to a translated ROM, or a modified ROM, or
an entirely different ROM, or an entirely different file, I have no idea
what will happen, so just don't do it.

Also, make sure to use the _header patch if your FF5 ROM has a 512 byte
header, otherwise use the _no_header patch. If you aren't sure which
patch to use, check the file size of your ROM by right-clicking on it and
selecting Properties. If your ROM is...

* 2,097,664 bytes -> use ff5spoofv1.10_header.ips
* 2,097,152 bytes -> use ff5spoofv1.10_no_header.ips


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B.) Readme Contents

A.) Basic Info
B.) Readme Contents
C.) FF5Spoof Backstory
D.) FF5Spoof's First Full Release
E.) What's new in v1.10?
F.) What else is changed?
G.) Additional Credits and Thanks
H.) How legal is this?
I.) The Disclaimer!
J.) The End... or The Beginning?


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C.) FF5Spoof Backstory

Welcome to the world of FF5Spoof! Yes, this is a comedy hack of Final
Fantasy 5, and no, it isn't lame (I hope). This hack's biggest feature is
that (unlike many other "spoofs") it isn't filled with juvenile humor!

What follows is a history of this project, but in effect, it is a history
of all RPG spoof hacks in general. If you aren't interested in all this,
feel free to skip to the next section, which contains more information on
the spoof itself, rather than its history.

Our tale begins in the dark ages of SNES ROM hacking. The Playstation just
came out. The internet was just coming out of its early adoption phase. I
was 15. Back then, we didn't have fancy "table files" and the inner
workings of SNES pointer tables were still mostly a mystery. I would spend
hours tweaking and fixing various SNES games with a hex editor - pages and
pages of hand-written hex notes littered my work space. Then, I would
simply delete my work.

"That was fun!" I'd think to myself as I moved on to the next experiment.
I didn't have a concept of "projects" or patch files, and I had never
intended to do anything long term. That is, until I found zophar.net and
learned what a "ROM Hack" was. Shortly thereafter I found a website called
"Bad SNES Spoofs", which specialized in SNES Spoofs of dubious quality...
or so they'd have you believe. In truth, these spoofs really were the first
and greatest of a long line of RPG spoofs that, as many of you are aware,
would end in ruin. Before "Spoofs" had become synonymous with the dregs of
ROM hacking, the ROM hackers of Bad SNES Spoofs toiled away at writing
actual comedy.

It was not long before I decided I wanted to join the team, and so I
emailed them asking for membership. Long story short, I was told to pick
a SNES RPG and get to spoofing. I chose Final Fantasy 5 because it always
annoyed me, and I had no nostalgia for it whatsoever. Spending hundreds of
hours in its guts, however, gave me a new appreciation for it.

Writing the first few scenes was an exercise in painful euphoria. Though
I loved what I was doing, the methodology was meticulous and headache-
inducing. Without pointer tables I was extremely limited: each scene took
about five hours of writing/brainstorming. I believe it may have been for
this reason that I ended up taking the easy way out. With my creativity
held tightly in check, I ended up filling the dialogue windows with crude
humor. At the time it was still funny, because the novelty of seeing swear
words and such in an SNES game hadn't gotten old yet. But if I could have
seen into the future, I would have made a different choice.

In time, hex editors that utilized table files became widely available,
and then, premade table files themselves. Not long after that, dialogue
editors and entire game editors had become available. Suddenly, it no
longer required any effort or knowledge to become a ROM hacker. Dozens of
teenagers discovered the joy of making SNES characters swear, each less
clever than the last.

A flood of crappy "spoofs" started appearing, and Bad SNES Spoofs was
starting to suffocate. Their first hack was called "FF6Spoof" - because
that's all they had to call it. Little did they know that they'd be
competing with a landslide of Final Fantasy 6 "spoofs". I think we had
all become pretty discouraged. Bad SNES Spoofs was eventually no more.

I quit FF5Spoof and began working on other small projects for a while. I
watched the crappy spoof hacks roll in, none more than 30% complete, none
more than 30% funny. The community reaction to the word "spoof" became
almost universally negative, even to those who had never attempted playing
one. It was quite sad, in truth, because the idea of a videogame parody
is a viable one, but it seemed as though a good, well-written spoof was
doomed to never happen.

At some point, after running all these thoughts through my head, I decided
that FF5Spoof was worth completing after all - I'd just have to start
over. And I'd have to set goals for myself to ensure that I did not fall
into the same traps as I had before; the same traps that nearly all RPG
spoofs have fallen into since.


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D.) FF5Spoof's First Full Release

When I started over, I set the following goals for the project:

1.) No crude humor. The biggest problem with most every "spoof" hack out
there is the ridiculous amount of juvenile humor. As I elaborated on
above (in the backstory section), this is a result of ROM hacking
becoming easier and more accessable to everyone, including teenagers
who think sex jokes are hilarious. Now, sex jokes can be hilarious,
but so can jokes of any other stripe. Thus, I set to write the
funniest script I could, and to keep the crude humor to a very low
level.

2.) The plot must be good in its own right. It's easy enough to make the
characters say whatever happens to be funny at the moment, but the
experience is far more enjoyable if the story makes sense. FF5 also
had huge amounts of free space within the ROM - I wanted to put it to
use. Thus, FF5Spoof's script is longer than FF5's, and I believe the
plot is better as well (but I'm biased, seeing as I wrote the thing).
FF5's story was pretty bland - I never cared about anything other than
getting kickass abilities. This time around, hopefully you'll find the
plot a little more interesting.

3.) The characters must be believable. Before I began my rewrite, I knew
I had to give each character strong, definitive personality traits.
The second goal was to write the dialogue as if it was spoken by actual
people, not just information boxes with a character's name pasted in
front. I played a lot of RPGs and simply observed the dialogue, and
noticed many patterns, strengths, and weaknesses of particular writing
styles. I couldn't imagine actual people talking the way characters do
in Ted Woolsey's stuff, but the characters in Lufia 2 sound
surprisingly human. The dialogue in Earthbound nails that awkward
imperfection that most people actually speak with.

4.) It must be funny. This is obvious, but given the RPG "spoof"'s sordid
history, it is worth mentioning. This project is a comedy; I had to
keep this in mind while I was writing my new plot. And I had to
forget all other "spoofs" that came before this one. Finally, I
wanted to write not just a comedy, but a *good* comedy; this entailed
several hundreds of hours of revision and polish. As best I could, I
made sure every scene was either funny or important to the plot. The
last thing I want is for the player to ever feel like they are wasting
their time; this is crucial to the spoof being an enjoyable experience.

If all went according to plan, FF5Spoof turned out to be a humorous,
consistent story that is on par with FF5. Did I succeed? Well, I believe
that I did, but I suppose that will be up to you to decide.


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E.) What's new in v1.10?

Version 1.10 improves upon the previous release in several ways:

1.) Cool it with the offensive humor and "punching down". If v1.00 was
about applying the wisdom I had gained from age 15 to 25 to reduce the
crude humor in the spoof, v1.10 is about applying the wisdom gained
from age 25 to 35 in reducing *actual societal harm* caused by the
spoof.

This entailed rewriting:
* Offensive stereotypes (both intentional and unintentional ones),
re: racism, sexism, homophobia.
* Flippant treatment of serious and harmful topics, such as suicide and
domestic abuse.
* Places where toxic assumptions had seeped into my writing, without my
even noticing. For example, blaming the poor for being poor, or
letting politicians off the hook by treating them as if they were
stupid rather than malicious.

These cases were replaced either by "punching up" jokes (ie: making fun
of homophobes instead of making fun of gay people), by correcting the
toxic assumptions (ie: replacing a joke about taxes being too high with
a joke about a politician's golf trips), or simply with new writing.

In every case the quality of the spoof increased. This process really
opened my eyes to how easy it is to actually avoid this kind of
"humor". There are a million ways to be funny without harming people in
real life. Those who write this kind of humor (and those who fight to
preserve it by crying "censorship" at attempts to change it) are not
defending "free speech" or "artistic expression" - they are attempting
to prop themselves up by putting others down. The world is already a
terrible place. The least we can do as writers is not make it worse.

2.) More consistent characterization. There were several places in the
spoof where the core four would break character in order to advance
the plot the way I wanted or to make a joke I wanted to make. At the
time I guess I decided that the trade-off was worth it. This time
around, I knew I could do better.

For example, early in the game Bartz (the spoof's straight man)
broke character to excitedly drink from a fetid pond, because I
wanted to make a joke about recovery springs being disgusting swamps.
This time, however, Bartz incorrectly identifies it as a normal
recovery spring, then Galuf observes that it's actually a disgusting
swamp, but hopefully it will still heal the team.

In some cases I simply switched characters but otherwise kept the
dialogue the same. For example, later in the game Lenna breaks
character by threatening a moogle (no spoilers here beyond that).
This time it's Faris that makes the threats, which is more consistent
with both Lenna's and Faris's characterizations.

3.) More variety in insults, exclamations, and sentence structure. I'm
simply a better writer than I was 12 years ago when I released v1.0.
I found several places in the script where I missed an opportunity
for humor, foreshadowing, a callback, or clarity. I also improved
several sentences in subtle ways for increased impact.

For example, "I think Galuf's is a terrible idea, but it's the best
you have" is serviceable, but "I think Galuf's is the best idea you
have, and it's horrible" does a better job of upending expectations.

Another example: "holy crap" was a too-common exclamation, and "idiot"
a too-common insult. In the new version, the characters have more
colorful things to say, and certain insults now "belong" to certain
characters (another example of improved characterization).

4.) Fewer name changes without good reason. The previous version was filled
with cameos that were funny to me and my friends, but not necessarily
to the wider audience. The biggest example of this was the 12 sealed
weapons, but there were also monster, item, and character names that
were changed for no good (or for not good enough) reasons. If a name
change didn't enhance the final product for *everyone*, then it was
reverted.

5.) Additional bug fixes and usability enhancements have been added.
See the next section for details.


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F.) What else is changed?

Aside from all the in-game text, the following bug fixes, enhancements,
and misc changes have been made to the game:

1.) The spoof was reimplemented into a new ROM, based on J121's GBA Script
Port (http://www.romhacking.net/hacks/3687) instead of RPGe's
translation. Thus, it uses J121's font, and it includes all the fixes
that are included in that project (they are still listed below - see
numbers 9 and down).

2.) New snazzy window borders for dialogue windows. Actually, this took me
about two seconds in Tile Layer Pro, but it succeeds in giving the
spoof a different look.

3.) Additional text and window enhancements that are non-Spoof related that
would have made the original better as well. For example, when learning
a new blue magic spell, it'll say "Learned blue magic 'Aero'!" instead
of "Learned Aero!".

4.) My Automatic Sprint and Learning mod is included in this patch
(http://www.romhacking.net/hacks/3746), so that these abilities are
always considered active - you can always hold B to sprint and you will
always learn any witnessed blue magic. If you prefer the "Always
Sprint" version instead of the "Hold B to Sprint" version, you can
apply that patch over the Spoof without issue. (Thanks Praetarius5018
and JLukas!)

5.) The map is no longer missable. You now always have the ability to use
the Y button to view the map. (Thanks STARWIN!)

6.) Better item descriptions. Additional item descriptions were added, and
misleading or incorrect descriptions have been fixed. However, since
the game can only handle 64 total descriptions, I had to decide which
were important enough to show and which were not.

* Items whose names made their function obvious didn't get a
description. For example, it's obvious that the Ice Shield absorbs
ice, so it didn't make the cut, but it's NOT obvious that the Diamond
Shield reduces thunder damage, so I added that one.

* In some cases I renamed the item rather than using a precious item
description slot on it. For example, the Coral Sword was renamed to
the Thunder Blade.

* I removed the descriptions that said a weapon could be Enchanted or
used with Two-Handed Grip. Instead, the descriptions for the Enchant
and 2xGrip abilities specify the weapon types they can be used on.
This freed up several more description slots.

* Finally, some weapons and armors had their names and icons changed
for consistency. For example, Diamond Plate was a light armor with a
heavy armor icon (and heavy-sounding name), so I renamed it to
Diamond Vest and gave it a light armor icon.

7.) Most missable items and spells are no longer missable!
These missables can now be purchased at the secret village at the end
of the game:
* Shiva Summon
* Ramuh Summon
* Shoat Summon
* Carbuncle Summon
* Thief's Glove

These missables are now guaranteed drops from bosses:
* Blitz Whip from Minotaur
* Power Staff from Omniscient
* Tinkerbell from Twintania
* Titan's Glove from Azulmagia

The rest of the missables:
* The three missable Bard songs can be purchased in later magic shops.
* Some of the secret village's original missable spells had to be moved
to the Moore magic shop to make room for the summons.
* The three missable minor equipment items (Kenpo Gi, Iron Shield,
and Spear) can be purchased at Crescent.
* The Genji equipment is still missable!
Make sure to steal from Gilgamesh!

8.) Galuf's Ghost in the Sealed Castle Fix: Just trust me, this bug is
fixed.

9.) Galuf's ginger hair: Galuf's hair is no longer a different color in
battle than out of it. (Thanks J121!)

10.) Captured Monster Name Fix: Monsters caught with Catch will now be shown
in the Status menu. (Thanks noisecross!)

11.) Chicken Berserk Fix: Fixes the bug that causes the Chicken Knife to
randomly freeze the game if you have a team of Berserkers. (Thanks
noisecross!)

12.) Walk Through Walls Fixes: Fixes for various places where the player can
walk through walls where not intended. (Thanks noisecross!)

13.) Blessed Kiss Fix: Blessed Kiss will no longer ignore a monster target's
Berserk immunity. (Thanks instructrtrepe!)

14.) Exile Dud Fix: When releasing the Moss Fungus or the Gel Fish monsters,
the Exile spell now has a greater than 0% chance of working. (Thanks
instructrtrepe!)

15.) Fractional M Parameter Fix: Knives and other Agility weapons will now
properly use both Strength AND Agility for determining damage. (Thanks
instructrtrepe!)

16.) Observe Fix: The "Observe" command will now show monster weaknesses in
addition to HP, as it was intended. (Thanks instructrtrepe!)

17.) Power Drink Fix: Power Drinks actually work now! (Thanks
instructrtrepe!)

18.) Galuf Gaffe Fix: Fixes a case where you can end up seeing two Galufs if
Galuf is your party leader when he "steps out" of your sprite for an
event. (Thanks Leet Sketcher!)

19.) Quick Death: Speeds up the monster dissolve animation that plays when a
normal monster dies (Thanks Leet Sketcher!)

20.) Bartz Blue Mage Sprite Fix: Bartz's blue mage left hand attack
animations now look normal instead of super buggy. (Thanks Grond!)

21.) Landing Fix: Prevents you from permanently losing chocobos or vehicles
by landing them in the wrong places. (Thanks Xardas!)


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H.) Additional Credits and Thanks

Though most of FF5Spoof is my own work (minus, of course, FF5 itself,
which it was built upon), there were several contributions made by these
fine folk:

- RPGe:
Their fan translation (v1.10) is what the original version of FF5Spoof was
based on. If it weren't for them, well, who knows?

- J121:
Made the GBA Script Port mod, finally bringing FF5 "officially" to the
SNES. This mod is what the new version of FF5Spoof is based on.

- noisecross:
Already thanked above for various bug fixes, but noisecross also made the
FF5e Text Editor, which was the primary tool used for the new version of
FF5Spoof.

- Bongo`:
The writer of Windhex, my favorite ROM hacking hex editor. Windhex was
used for the rest of the text hacking - whatever FF5e Text Editor couldn't
do.

- ZackMan:
The writer of Thingy32. This was my previous favorite hex editor. It was
used during the development of the original version of FF5Spoof.

- Necrosaro:
The writer of Thingy. Thingy was what I used before Thingy32! The majority
of the text hacking in the original version of FF5Spoof was done in
Thingy.

- Statto:
The writer of FF5se, a save state editor. Boy did this tool make my life
easier.

- OhNoMelon:
Compiled a huge bank of FF5 save files that helped me a ton!

- SnowBro:
The writer of Tile Layer Pro. Tile Layer Pro was used for all the graphics
hacking, of which there wasn't much! But thank you still!

- Killa B:
The writer of TUSH - a super useful SNES header tool that everyone should
download.

- RinkWorks:
Their "Dialectizer" tool helped with the dialogue for various characters.
http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/

- Zero GreenSabre:
My most thorough tester. Was always there for me when I needed something
quick, difficult, or random tested. Provided lots of useful feedback.

- Citizen Bleys:
Writer of Frig7, and fan of Bad SNES Spoofs since day1. He provided a ton
of useful feedback that inspired me to put out the new version!

- satsu & Refried:
These guys started Bad SNES Spoofs!
Living legends as far as I'm concerned.

In addition, the following wonderful people contributed jokes, ideas, or
simply helped me make this thing in some way:

- Tonedore
- Dross
- Scho-Ju Wajasaki
- Lord Bildo
- Trailmixx
- Schemp
- Jerek
- RandMOne


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G.) How legal is this?

That depends on who you talk to! It's probably more legal than the
translation patches it was based on. Just think of this as a sort of
interactive fanfic. And regardless of the legality of the FF5 ROM, the
patch itself is perfectly legal. As is this readme file. Hopefully.

You need to own a hard copy of Final Fantasy 5 to download the FF5 ROM
legally, but I've taken care of that for you. When you begin the game, go
to your key item menu. Bingo. It seems Bartz has been playing some FF5.


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I.) The Disclaimer!

-- (C) 1999 - 2020 Tzepish (Blaine Higdon)

-- ff5spoofv1.10.zip is not to be distributed with any other files
(especially ROMs). It is not to contain any files other than those
listed above in Section A.

-- Tzepish is not responsible for any damages done to your computer,
whether you use his patches or not.

-- Tzepish is in no way affiliated with any group/company mentioned
within this readme or within the spoof itself.

-- Tzepish is in no way connected or affiliated with any company in any
way. In fact, I hate companies. Companies and all products
partaining to that company are trademarks of that company (makes
sense). Please contact that company for trademark and copyright
information, that is, if you want it. I don't have it.


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J.) The End... or The Beginning?

Thanks for reading this entire thing. Though this is the end of the
readme file, it is the beginning of the spoof. Go play it!


Database match: Final Fantasy V (Japan)
Database: No-Intro: Super Nintendo Entertainment System (v. 20180813-062835)
File/ROM SHA-1: E937B54FFF99838E2E853697E4F559359AA91FD6
File/ROM CRC32: C1BC267D